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Robin Fisher Roffer is CEO of Big Fish Marketing, one of the entertainment industry's preeminent brand marketing and digital advertising agencies, with clients such as A&E, Bravo, CNN, Comedy Central, FX, MTV, NBC Universal, and Sony Pictures.

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Praise for The Fearless Fish Out of Water

"In The Fearless Fish Out of Water, Roffer has crafted a motivational and inspiring text that taps into a theme that has inspired me for years. The idea that within a seemingly ordinary individual there is something extraordinary, and by embracing these extraordinary aspects, one can enrich their own life as well as the lives of those around them. A blueprint for how to apply your personality and your unique abilities to succeed."
'tim Kring, creator and Executive Producer of Heroes

"Say 'yes' to fearlessness! It's time to celebrate your uniqueness and make it your success strategy. Roffer delivers exceptional interviews with executives on the frontlines of mega-corporations and weaves in her personal experience as a woman entrepreneur, inspiring all of us to define and then embrace what's different about us that can lead to success."
'Cynthia Good, Editor and CEO of PINK magazine

"We need big ideas and big thinkers now more than ever. The Fearless Fish Out of Water helped me see that, as scared as I am, as scared as we all are, there are ways to figure out what's next, and to forge plans to accomplish business hopes and dreams."
'marian Salzman, CMO, Porter Novelli Worldwide, coauthor of Next Now: Trends for the Future

"A fearless fish herself, Roffer has written a guide to the challenges of maintaining one's identity in the contemporary workplace. Insightful and entertaining!"
'Aline Brosh McKenna, screenwriter of The Devil Wears Prada

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Conform to the norm or stand out? Fit in or break the mold? What's the key to success in the business world? Can you be what they expect you to be and still be yourself?

In The Fearless Fish Out of Water, Robin Fisher Roffer offers a business success guide for anyone who's different, and gives readers a permission slip to celebrate their unique style. Here are the insider secrets to doing it your way and doing it big! You can be true to yourself and you can be your own person--without sacrificing the success you know you're capable of achieving. No matter what sets you apart--gender, race, age, style, attitude, or anything else--you can still make it to the top, not despite your differences, but because of them. In fact, being different is a powerful force if you know how to make the most of it.

At one time or another, we've all been the fish out of water. You might have felt left out, undervalued, ignored, or misunderstood--whether because of your style or your circumstances. But when you focus on the positive aspects of what makes you different, you can turn your differences into an advantage. Here, you'll find personal stories from successful professionals who were also fish out of water and learn how to make the most of your differences with practical insight, easy-to-follow guidelines, and engaging exercises.

You can fit in without blending in or disappearing, because being different gets you noticed. The secret lies in learning how to be more of who you are without alienating those around you. The Fearless Fish Out of Water shows you how to open up to your authentic self, use your differences to attract opportunities, and project a magnetic persona out of those personal qualities that set you apart.

It's time to stop apologizing for who you are and instead celebrate it. You may be different, but you aren't alone. Standing out is often the critical key to success for everyone from businesspeople to entrepreneurs to entertainers. Follow their lead, but do it your way. Read The Fearless Fish Out of Water and learn to show your true colors and reel in unlimited success.

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The Fearless Fish Out of Water

John Wiley & Sons

Chapter One

Fearless Fish Out of Water Accept Who They Are

So many of us continue our childhood roles into our adult life, only to find that they don't work anymore. Maybe you've been knocking yourself out to earn approval or worrying obsessively about money because growing up your family always felt the lack. Sometimes it takes a wake-up call like mine to realize that operating as in the past or out of fear is a failed strategy.

None of us comes into this world with a handbook to guide us in developing our personalities. We simply jump into life and do the best we can. But what if you feel different-that you somehow don't fit in with the norm, that you aren't truly recognized and accepted for who you are?

Trying to retrofit yourself into society and work life can be daunting, burning you out before you've even had a chance to shine. What do you do? In my case, I got caught in the act that I was using to hide behind. I was fortunate that my future husband was perceptive enough to see through my facade. It allowed me to realize that we fish out of water need help; and who better to write a guidebook than someone who has been a fish out of water her entire life?

Humorist Erma Bombeck wrote a book titled If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? Funny as that is, it inadvertently highlights a truism about life: It's all about perception. You might ask, "I'm a fish out of water. What's the good in that?" Well, it's a matter of perception. You either believe you're "in the pits," or you realize you're at the intersection of discovery and opportunity. How you come to understand that being a fish out of water is the best thing that could have ever happened to you is what this book is all about. And it may mean shifting your perception so that you absolutely know you've been dealt the best cards life has to offer.

Let's start with a description of what a fish out of water is. It literally refers to a living creature having been removed from the setting in which it's able to survive. So if you're a fish out of water, you've been taken out of your natural environment. You attract attention, usually because you're different from the people around you. You are perceived as someone who doesn't fit in; you're outside the norm, you think and dress differently; some may feel that you're too controversial. Many times, you're considered ahead of your time, maybe even an iconoclast. Whatever you are, you don't run with the pack; instead, you march to the beat of your own drum.

If I've just described you, count your blessings. You are indeed fortunate. Your natural characteristics are what will-and likely, already have-set you apart in a positive way. You may not feel very positive about those differences right now because you've been busy trying to wish them away or cover them up. The truth is, you will stand out not because you're different, but because you're solidly grounded in who you are-with no apologies. People will gravitate toward you because of your energy, confidence, and flair. But before any of that happens, you need to come to terms with being a fish out of water-and a Fearless Fish, at that!

I had to come to terms with being raised by a single father. I longed to have a mother like the other kids in my school. I wished for our family to have more money like my wealthier classmates, all of whom seemed to receive a credit card the day they became a bar or bat mitzvah. When I moved from Ohio to Alabama for college, I was not only seen as a Yankee, but I ran into prejudice as a Jew-one of 150 in a student body of 10,000. There, I came to realize that my differences sparked curiosity and, as a result, created opportunity. I had to come to terms with the fact that there were things about myself that I could change and others I was simply going to have to accept.

Being a Fearless Fish means not doing any of the following: hiding who you are; compromising your personality just to fit in; short-circuiting opportunities because you're afraid of what others will think; overemphasizing characteristics so others will think you're in the groove and on target; or letting others tell you how to think, feel, and act-just so that they'll feel comfortable and safe.

If there is one thing I've learned, it's that acting out of fear and living according to other people's needs will definitely pigeonhole you into being someone you're not; and that's not what life is about. The universe offers a myriad of ways in which we can express ourselves and find success on so many levels, both personal and professional. Our job is to be open to those possibilities and see how far we can go. Life truly is a journey; so why not make the most of it?

So, let's begin the journey of celebrating your distinctiveness. From my own personal experience of being a fish out of water, I've put together a series of steps to help you realize your full potential as a unique individual. They are:

Step 1: Go Fishing for the Real You

Step 2: Use Your Differences as a Lure Step 3: Find a Few Fish Like You Step 4: Swim in Their Ocean Your Way

Step 5: Put Yourself Out on the Line Step 6: Evolve by Casting a Wide Net Step 7: Reel in Your Unique Power

Step 1 to becoming a Fearless Fish out of water is to peel away the layers you've piled on in your attempts to fit in, uncovering the power of your authenticity. Shedding old habits is often essential to opening up to your authentic self. It's about being comfortable in your own skin and accepting yourself. Easier said than done, I know! It takes real courage to dispel the myths about you and find out how to be yourself honestly. This is fearlessness.

As CEO and chief creative officer of Big Fish Marketing, one of the entertainment industry's preeminent brand marketing and digital advertising agencies, I lead as a woman in a highly competitive, male-dominated field. I started my own ad agency at the age of 30 and 15 years later, I was named one of the top 10 digital advertising strategists in the country. My client list includes some of the most high-profile brands in the world: dozens of television networks, several motion picture studios, and even a hot cosmetics company. Having this kind of presence in the business world takes talent, but it also takes confidence and confidence didn't come naturally to this fish out of water.

Getting to know ourselves is a lifelong process. One of my closest friends recently said to me, "What if I've come this far and I still don't know who I am?" As much as we want to quickly understand ourselves, there are no shortcuts to the truth. We're deep and multifaceted, and we're changing all the time. But at our core-in our souls-we are stable, vibrant beings with philosophies, values, and perspectives that travel with us throughout our lives.

Open up to your authentic self. Sounds scary, huh? "The real me?" Sometimes we're not quite sure who that is. When we're used to feeling distant from the group, we tend to submerge our true selves in an effort to be accepted. The real movers and shakers in this world live their lives with conviction; they never hide who they are. They accept that they were born different or landed in circumstances that make them different, and they embrace the opportunity to stand out from the pack. We all have that same opportunity.

A friend of mine and a true Fearless Fish, Monica Halpert is one of the most creative people I've ever known. She is an idea machine who's totally tapped into pop culture. It's exciting just to be around her and see what she's into. The trouble is employers always want her to be more than the one with the big ideas; they want Monica to mold herself into a marketing role where she has to pore over research, crunch numbers, manage staff, and write strategy. Her managers waste her innovative, multimillion-dollar mind with administrative duties rather than letting her flourish in a corner office as a tastemaker, thinking up one great concept after another and doing the stuff that really builds world-class brands. Monica has realized this and is repositioning herself as someone who could take on the role of chief creative officer-a relatively new title many companies are adding to their organizational charts. Being the first in a position that's essentially just been invented is the ideal next step for someone like Monica who likes to work on the cutting edge.

Nathalie Lubensky, senior vice president of Disney and ESPN Media Networks sees herself as a fish out of water. That strong outsider feeling came to her early on in life-so much so that being different has become second nature to her. No matter where she is, she knows she stands out and uses that to her advantage.

Despite these class and race issues, Nathalie has gone on to hold a hugely impressive and demanding position. As a woman of color in a predominantly white, male environment, she is sensitive to the need for greater diversity among the staff; she knows what value diverse perspectives can give to a company. She puts her values into practice by being an agent for change, helping create a culture she can embrace, and by doing so, positively illuminates her differences.

It's time for you to close the book on other people's stories and ideas about who you are so that you can finally introduce yourself the way you want to be known. If you've been pigeonholed as rigid, break out and show that you're someone who shapes his or her environment to allow for a flow of fresh ideas. If you feel that no one really "gets you," stop worrying about it; accept yourself as being ahead of the curve. Your personal perspective about yourself is key to being a successful fish out of water.

Anybody can be fearless when things are going great. It's in times like these that you have to search yourself and be brutally honest. One of the reasons we sometimes feel that we don't fit in with others is because we actually don't like ourselves. Consider whether this might be your situation and think about why. It could be that you're judging yourself according to other people's standards. Did Eleanor Roosevelt hide herself because she was a strong, intelligent woman who understood people, business, and politics? No. She knew she had a voice and demanded that people listen, in spite of the fact that she was operating in arenas largely considered to be "men's territory." She famously once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Did Wilma Rudolph decide to remain in the shadows just because she had polio? No. She became a basketball star in high school, and then she became the first American woman to win three gold medals in track in the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome.

Eleanor was immediately categorized by others as an outsider trying to break into a man's world, while Wilma was ostracized for her disability and for being an African-American woman. But neither one let these obstacles stop them from doing amazing things. Both women used their innate talents and personalities, as well as their obvious differences from those around them, to overcome personal and public challenges.

As a fish out of water, do you feel that part of your life is based on other people's assumptions of who they think you should be? Do you internalize their opinions and try to meet their expectations? Are you living your life for them instead of you? If so, then it's time to bust out and time for you to be yourself-all the time.

Many people who want the world to be safe and comfortable might wish that you would look, act, and think just like them. And as much as they don't want you to be distinctive, they don't want to be seen as different either. So they hide behind masks, afraid that the world might one day find them out. That behavior is based on fear of the unknown, of what is different, of what isn't immediately understood, and of being judged by others.

Then there are the times when you know you aren't being the real you. This, too, damages your relationships in the long term; how can someone truly know you if you aren't being authentic? You can probably remember moments when you caught yourself wondering why you were acting or saying things that felt unnatural. You immediately knew that you were not being yourself. What do you do when this is happening?

The phrases "get real" and "reality check" both apply at a time like this. Think about how you dishonor or disrespect yourself, the other person, or your organization when you're not authentic. The best relationships are based on honesty. The best relationship you can have with yourself is one where you acknowledge every part of yourself, understanding both the good and bad.

Graciela Meibar, VP of global sales training and global diversity at Mattel, knows this firsthand: "You have to be authentic. You will always have to accommodate the overall culture to some degree, but never stop being who you are," she says. "If we are not true to who we are, or we pretend or please, we lose who we are."

Free yourself from the desire to conform. Fish out of water are nonconformists. They are the rule breakers simply because they don't fit in with the norm. They know-like Patagonia's founder Yvon Chouinard-that you can't compromise your values to fit in. Chouinard has said, "Everybody tells me it's an undervalued company, that we could grow this business like crazy and then go public, make a killing. But that would be the end of everything I've wanted to do. It would destroy everything I believe in."

As Chouinard illustrates, authenticity means being genuine. You aren't a chameleon changing with the scenery, or an actor slipping in and out of costume. You're an individual with a wealth of ideas, skills, and talents. It's up to you to show what you can do with them. It can be frustrating and lonely to think or look differently from everyone; but when you give the best representation of who you are from your core, you can really shine.

Reshaping or hiding who you are will not only provoke negative impressions of you; it will cheapen your own experience. I see so many businesswomen trying to underplay their femininity because in their minds, becoming less of a woman is the only way to be taken seriously in the corporate world. I just don't buy it. Being a stunner with a sharp mind is an unbeatable combination.

Playing down your best assets so that others will feel comfortable around you isn't real, it's self-absorbed. I'm a very feminine woman who sits at the table with some of the most powerful men in business. I don't try to be cute, and I don't try to win them over with sex appeal. They pay attention to me because I'm professional, directed, self-assured, and have ideas that are appropriate to the project.

Timing is essential with emotion and its expression. Not everything has to be expressed the moment it's occurring. Balancing your intellect with your emotions is key in business. Years ago, I had a client who was like a human chainsaw. Everything that came out of her mouth was cruel and insensitive. She said something once during a meeting that struck me hard, and I felt myself choke up. Knowing that my tears would only escalate the tension in the room and prevent the outcome we needed, I controlled my emotions and excused myself. After a short break, I calmed down and returned to the meeting only to sit down to the kindest words I'd ever heard her say. She wanted to know if everything was okay. I assured her that I was fine; and she was pleasant for the rest of the meeting. I had disarmed her by maintaining my dignity. It was about holding my own and not letting someone else break me. Containment, when it is needed, can be the most powerful expression of your authenticity.

(Continues...)

Excerpted from The Fearless Fish Out of Waterby Robin Fisher-Roffer Copyright © 2009 by Robin Fisher-Roffer. Excerpted by permission.
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