ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING

Don't sweat the small or the large stuff (and save on the cost of deodorant)

Others can stop you temporarily, you are the only one who can do it permanently. — ZIG ZIGLAR

Coaching Tip One

Maintaining a positive attitude, no matter what your circumstances, increases the likelihood of your finding future happiness and fulfillment. Why is this true? Well, if your attitude is negative and your mind is filled with worry and fear, it takes its toll on your body, mind, and spirit. In fact, by spending all your time creating a vision of an unhappy future, you help create that future. Remember, your thoughts guide your decisions, and negative thoughts lead to negative decisions. Nothing is solved by visualizing the worst outcome, but much can be accomplished when you desire and intend to achieve the best possible result. Optimists may not be more accurate about life — whether interpreting the past or predicting the future — but they live longer than pessimists.

Over God's desk there is a plaque that reads, "If you go around saying I've got a miserable life, I'll show you what miserable really is. And if you go around saying I've got a wonderful life, I'll show you what wonderful really is." A positive attitude can open many doors for you and help create the life you desire.

A negative attitude affects you first by ruining your moment-to-moment happiness. This truth was brought home to me many years ago. One of our children, then aged seven, had an X-ray that revealed a bone tumor. The odds were that it was a malignant tumor and that he would not see another year of life. I was very depressed by what I thought was going to happen, and my attitude showed it. I also tried to get my wife and his four siblings to understand and develop the proper depressing attitude. After all, how can you laugh and play when someone you love is going to die? One day our son walked into the room where I was sitting and said, "Dad, can I talk to you?"

I said, "Sure, what is it?"

He said, "Dad, you're handling this poorly."

With his talk, my son reminded me of what every child and animal knows instinctively: Today is the only day that exists. And as for my son, I was wrong about what was going to happen; he survived and is very much alive and happy today. The future is unknown, and we should never let our fears, worries, and negative attitudes prevent us from enjoying the day and finding fulfillment, no matter what tomorrow seems to hold.

When disappointments and setbacks occur, learn to view them as events that will redirect you to something good. My mother taught me this, and it creates a positive shift in your attitude and your view of the future. Cultivating a hopeful approach to life is an important part of your soul workout. The following exercises, when practiced on a regular basis, will strengthen your outlook and help you to create the life you desire.

Exercise 1

GRATITUDE LIST Something to Remember

Why are you living this life? Do you ever stop to think about it? Or are you too busy complaining and whining? Gratitude is one of the best ways to improve your attitude and feel better. You can't be troubled and grateful at the same time. This exercise can be repeated often and will always obtain the same results.

Get a pen and paper and sit down in a quiet place where you won't be interrupted. Start by making a list of at least twenty things you are grateful for in your life. You might start with basic necessities like having a roof over your head, a chair to sit on, food to eat, a warm bed at night, and so on. Then continue with the more meaningful and personal areas of your life, such as your friends, family, work, pets, and health.

When you finish, display the list where you will see it often, especially when troubling thoughts start surfacing. Keep adding to your list over the next several weeks, and take the time every day to read it to remind yourself of all the things in your life you are grateful for.

Exercise 2

AFFIRMATIONS What You Say to Yourself Counts

Your intentions and desires shape your future. When you create affirmations about what you desire, and stop visualizing what you fear, your goals are far more likely to manifest themselves. This is because you are preparing yourself and your life for the results you desire.

Take a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle of the paper. Then take a few minutes to think about all of the major aspects of your life, such as your body, your job, your mate, and so on. Note any negative thoughts, even if they are just momentary, and write them down in the left column. When you've finished your review, read through the negative thoughts you've collected. Now take these thoughts and turn them into positive statements in the right column. For instance:

I am very tired today

I wish I didn't have to work today

I hate the way my body looks

I wish I were a better parent

I feel alive and energized today

I look forward to a productive day at work

I am grateful for my body

Every day I'm the best parent I can be

Post your favorite affirmations where you will see them every day — on your bathroom mirror, on your refrigerator, on your desk, and so on. For thirty days, read them aloud or repeat them silently to yourself several times a day and before bed. Every month re-create your list and choose new affirmations to focus on. As your attitude improves, your body and life will become what you affirm.

Exercise 3

LEARN FROM A MASTER Ancient Wisdom

Why should you have to learn the hard way when there are wonderful coaches and teachers who have preceded you? The great sages of the past have left behind words of wisdom to help guide you. Pick up a book by a famous person you admire. Some of the wounded souls, great teachers, and survivors you might consider reading include Helen Keller, Anne Frank, Mother Teresa, Buddha, the Dalai Lama, and St. Francis of Assisi. Take time to read classic poets like Emily Dickinson, Edna St. Vincent Millay, and William Blake.

As you read, keep a notebook of your favorite sayings, quotes, and poems. Or, if you own the book, you might highlight your favorite passages for reference when you need them. Consider framing some of the most uplifting passages and putting them up around your house. When you walk by the framed words of wisdom, let them enlighten you. These teachers and their teachings have inspired millions, and they will act as midwives to help you through the labor pains of self-birthing as you deliver a healthy attitude.

Exercise 4

THE GREATEST TEACHER Refuse to Have a Bad Attitude

Recently at a teacher's conference, I asked the audience to tell me who or what they thought was their greatest teacher. There were many answers; some of the most poignant were pain and loss. My answer is death. I refuse to let other people and circumstances impose on my joy, because I know, as we all should, that I have a limited time to live.

I live knowing that for all of us, time on earth is limited. If I hurt others, I make amends, apologize, and move on. If I am feeling fearful, I consider doing what I am afraid of, and if it does not put my life or health at risk, I take a chance.

Our little dog, Furphy, greets dogs ten times his size with a friendly attitude and no fear. He makes many friends, and I am learning from him. Pet training books tell us about the importance of attitude. If you approach another dog with an attitude of fear, your dog will become fearful as well, making conflict more likely. Our attitudes can be detected by those around us, and they affect our inner chemistry as well as the way others treat us.

As an exercise, pretend that the day in front of you is the last day of your life. Savor every moment, even the most mundane. Make the most of every situation. If every day you practice meeting life and the people in it with a positive attitude, then you will be greeted by others with a wagging tail instead of a growl and bared teeth.

Exercise 5

ADMIRE YOUR BABY PICTURE Your Divine Inner Child

Fear of failure keeps people from living fully and achieving their greatest potential. This fear does not come from your divine inner child but is learned from those around us. As you grew up, certain authority figures — perhaps your parents, teachers, religious leaders, or others — may have made you feel that, when something went wrong, you were to blame. Rather than address and correct your behavior, they made you feel guilty and shameful for who you were. They were wrong!

You can prove this to yourself quite easily: find one of your baby pictures and a recent picture of yourself. Take some time to look at both photos and notice your attitudes toward them. Most likely, your baby picture will elicit feelings of joy, and any feelings of shame will attach themselves to your adult photo. But what, besides time, is the difference between these two? Carry your baby photo around with you, or display it where you work, and use it as a reminder anytime someone in your life brings up feelings of shame.

You can also take the experiment further, and the next time you see a person in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself, share your baby picture with that person. Notice his or her reaction. Most likely it will be one of adoration, caring comments, and some oohing and aahing. How does this compare to the way the person greets you most of the time?

You still contain within you the divine potential of a child. Others may fail to see it in the adult you have become, but it is there. Do not let a fearful attitude or the opinions of others stop you. Approach life like a child, take the first step, and learn to walk. If you don't try, you won't succeed. If you stumble or fall, like the child, rise and try again.

GET PHYSICAL

Develop your strengths — supercharge your workouts

Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states. — CAROL WELCH

Coaching Tip Two

If we listen, our bodies have a great deal of valuable information to share with us. Our bodies can teach us about ourselves. We are born as physical beings, and yet the older we get the more we tend to ignore the wisdom of our bodies. In order to improve the health of our souls, we must learn to pay attention to our physical self. We must remain in touch with our bodies in order to have direct access to all the valuable information they can communicate.

As a physician, I know our very lives are stored within us. We need to learn how to interpret our body's language. The body can speak to us through more than physical symptoms like pain. The body affects our thoughts, dreams, and feelings. I have used the intuitive wisdom of the body, expressed by people in their dreams and drawings, to help them make therapeutic decisions and to diagnose illnesses. This knowledge is not taught in medical schools, but it has been known for many decades through the work of Carl Jung.

This works both ways, for the body is affected by the images we present it with. For instance, picture a pleasant event or scene and notice how your body reacts — as if you were really experiencing it. We know that an actor's immune system and cortisol levels are altered by the roles he or she plays. Acting in a comedy enhances immune function and lowers stress hormone levels, while performing in a tragedy has a detrimental physical effect. The body does not distinguish between emotions felt when performing a role or those experienced during an actual event. Both have an effect.

Pleasant physical activities — like petting a dog or getting a massage — enhance certain hormone levels that have the beneficial effect of making us feel more at peace and loving toward one another. We were born to be touched and to touch others. That is what our bodies are for. They allow us to express ourselves through touch, movement, speech, and displays of affection.

Your heart knows you better than your head. Listen to what it tells you and keep in touch with the messages your body is sending you. The exercises in this chapter will help you use your body to improve the health of your soul.

Exercise 6

GET A MASSAGE Release Stress

Massage can be very therapeutic because, when you are touched, your body chemistry is altered in a positive way. This includes factors that suppress pain and that stimulate growth and your immune system.

For this exercise, get a massage. Consider getting one several times a week or once a week for a month, and notice its effect on you. Either find a massage therapist or ask someone close to you to give it a try. Use scented oils and play relaxing music. While being massaged, allow your mind to go wherever it desires; connect with the emotions that come up as you are touched and spend some time exploring them within your journal or with someone you trust. Therapeutic massage can be a tool to help you return to normal and healthy physical relationships.

Remember to give those you care about a massage, too. Any activity that increases human contact is soothing. It can be something as simple as rubbing someone's neck and shoulders. Giving yourself a good foot massage now and then is also highly recommended.

Exercise 7

PET A FURRY ANIMAL Soft and Warm

There have been many studies showing the benefits of having pets and spending time with them. Just as human contact changes your hormone levels, you can lower your blood pressure and improve your mood by petting an animal.

If you have a pet, spend time with it every day, gently stroking it and sending it loving thoughts. Get to know each other through touch and play. Animals are very intuitive and can help you to know yourself and to learn to improve your own intuitiveness and nonverbal communication. If you don't have a pet, consider getting one. Any type of animal will do, so long as you can relate to it and feel comfortable sharing your affection with it — if you're not a dog person, why not a cat, bird, fish, reptile, or other animal? Reap the benefits of a meaningful relationship with a pet. For more, see chapter 11.

If you don't have a pet and can't keep one in your home, visit a local animal shelter and spend time with the animals there; they are always eager for company. Take a dog for a walk or hold a bunch of kittens in your arms. Last, if you cannot find a warm-blooded animal — start with a cuddly teddy bear and work your way up.

Exercise 8

TAKE A WALK Eyes Open, Eyes Closed

When we move our body, we create an internal environment that every physician in every specialty would verify is therapeutic. When we walk, we get a chance to listen to ourselves and hear our inner voice.

So get away from distractions and take yourself for a walk in nature. It is a wonderful way to get in touch with the earth we live on. Try three different types of walks; each one should last at least an hour. First, go alone with no distractions. Take the time to see the beauty around you and to listen to your own thoughts; notice the feelings that arise in your body. Focus on your physical environment — the variety of shapes and colors and the effect of the breeze on plants and trees. Stop and look at the weeds and the beautiful little flowers they contain. Give yourself time to be, and notice how your view of life and nature changes when you learn to truly see what is before you. For the second walk, take the same approach and do the same things, only bring your pet with you this time and notice what attracts it.

For the third walk, find a friend or family member you trust and ask the person to join you on a walk in a park or the woods. Have the person put a blindfold on you and guide you to trees and flowers so you can feel, smell, and experience them without sight. Note how alert all your senses become and what you learn about the physical world on this walk.

Exercise 9

GO TO THE GYM Be in Training

Regular exercise has many benefits — ranging from boosting the immune system to reducing stress, increasing mental alertness, producing antidepressants and antiaging effects, and more. Whether your workout consists of weights, aerobics, or another form of movement, it is all beneficial. And that is the goal of this exercise: developing a regular workout routine.