Changes - Tapa dura

Michael Panar, who holds a master's degree in family sociology and a doctorate in holistic healing and counseling has been counseling families, couples, individuals, children and adolescents for over thirty years. He has some thoughts and reflections about his book.

Author's Reflections

I have worked with families through different stages of the life cycle. Each stage of development, or period in time, has its own challenges. During the beginning of the family, there needs to be a more mature love that takes the place of romantic love and passion. This is a formidable goal for many couples, since they relished the passion and emotions of romance. The couple also needs to get to know each other through empathic listening. If this does not happen, it would be difficult for the couple to achieve a parental alliance, once children come into the home.

The years of childhood and adolescents have their own changes and challenges, for the children as well as the parents. The goal towards secure attachment for the child is vital during this time, and the need for the parents to separate their own marital relationship from the role of parent. During adolescence, it is imperative to adjust to the need for identity and autonomy in the adolescent.

Secure attachment, involving unconditional love, needs to be nurtured through childhood and adolescence. It will help prepare the child to eventually leave home in a healthy way. Any unresolved problems in the "family of origin" may inhibit the growth of autonomy in the young adult child. It will inhibit the healthy functioning of the adult child. The young adult may also stay in the parental home for a longer period of time and revert back to the previous unhealthy pattern of childhood. Parents can easily fall back into this unhealthy pattern with the adult child.

Once the children leave the "empty nest" the parents are faced with

Michael Panar has over thirty years of experience in counseling individuals, families, couples, children and adolescents, and has taught sociology and human development/family studies on the college level. The author holds the M.A. degree in family sociology from Kent State University and is a Diplomate and Fellow in the American Psychotherapy Association. He also holds a doctorate in holistic counseling and is a certified cognitive therapist. The author is a Member Emeritus of the American Sociological Association. Dr. Panar has two grown children and two grandchildren. He lives in Johnstown, Pennsylvania with his wife, Agnes.