Don't Piss in My Martini, Please! - Tapa dura

You see him in a bar. It is hard to miss him. He is the most colorful character in the room. He dresses like a shiny disco ball, and exudes a personality that screams, “I am the life of the party, come join me!” Should you threaten to ruin his fun, his face will darken, his eyes will narrow with disapproval, and his lips will tighten into a pout. With one eyebrow raised, and a hand holding firmly onto his glass, he booms, “Don't piss in my martini...” Before you can bat an eyelash, his frown curls into a smirk, his face lights up with merriment, and he gently adds, “Please!”

In his entertaining memoir filled with silly antics, raunchy sleaze, and tearful woes, Thomas Bistritz recounts the past two years of his life in New York City. Structured as a personal journal and divided into entries, he reveals a sordid outlook on life as he struggles to find happiness, stability, and the perfect party. While on this crooked road to self-discovery, he has multiple run-ins with a family of mice, grudgingly serves lattes to ten year old snobs, attacks Cankles and her butch sidekick, and encounters a slew of nameless men who serve as pawns in a game of sexual desire. He prances about the city as Demanda Dahling, hitting up club after club in a whirl of liquor and drugs, blurring the line between a confused reality, and a fabulous fantasy world.Bistritz tries to unravel why he is who he is and what, if anything, he can do about it. He scales mountains towards euphoria, yet digs himself into dangerous trenches. The battle between “party boy” and “sensible Simon” rages as he tries to find an answer, any answer, to life. The result is a remarkable compilation of stories that promise to make you giggle, grimace, and gasp.