Quiet Please - Tapa dura

The Ryder Cup: three days of insanity on a suburban golf course near Birmingham which turns grown multi-millionaires into blubbering wrecks, journalists into cheerleaders and mild-mannered fans into beer-guzzling partisans. Seduced by the glamour of sport's most compelling contest and obsessed with the desire to take part, Lawrence Donegan - author, musician and European Tour caddy (retired) - fails in his quest to become Sergio Garcia's bagman. Undeterred, he does the next best thing - slipping on a steward's bib and wielding a 'Quiet Please' sign. This is the fan's-eye view from the back of the tee.

After a short unproductive spell studying politics at Glasgow University, Lawrence Donegan became the bass player with the Scottish pop group The Bluebells who had a number 1 hit single with the infuriatingly catchy, Young at Heart. Years later, his career as a rock star long over, he turned to writing and produced the bestselling golfing book Four Iron in the Soul. Lawrence dreams daily of becoming a pro golfer but, in the meantime, he lives in Los Angeles where he works as a journalist writing for the Herald and the Observer.