CHAPTER 1
A World Addicted to Fear
The Epidemic of Fear
If you find yourself awakening in the middle of the night with worries about theprevious day or the next day, you are not alone. How will that meeting gotomorrow? Will my boss like my ideas? Will that woman I like be as attracted tome as I am to her? I hope my kids are okay! When will the terrorists strikeagain? Is my 401(k) secure? Will there be enough left at retirement the way theeconomy is going now? What is that pain in my stomach; am I getting cancer? WillI pass my test tomorrow? These worries are all common expressions of the sameemotion—fear.
Our wonderings, worries, analyzing, projections, and obsessions have become therelentless drone of our thinking for many of us today. But is this really arecent habit, or have we always been addicted to our worrisome thoughts? Havethey only just recently grown to epidemic proportions of stress, anxiety, anddread about the future?
As a psychologist and addictions counselor for the past thirty years, I havewitnessed one underlying constant in the litany of addictions and mentaldisorders in my patients, and in the worries and anxiety of my colleagues andmyself—fear. The specific thing each of us fears and the level of intensity ofthat fear varies from person to person and from time to time. Nevertheless, fearis the constant, whatever its form or intensity.
Fear is so commonplace that it seems necessary, normal, and in some cases a signof true caring, awareness, responsibility, and maturity. For example, oursociety sees worrying about our kids as a sign of being a loving parent. Fear issuch an accepted part of life that we even brag about our fears: Who is moststressed? Who has more to worry about? What's fascinating is that we don't thinkof stress or worry as fear, but that is all it is—fear in a socially acceptableform. Fear appears normal, but is it just so commonplace that it only seemsnormal? Is it simply part of our collective (un)consciousness? I believe it is.
Aside from our everyday personal fears concerning safety, having enough, beingsuccessful, child rearing, performance, finances, and relationships, we alsoworry about the "big stuff." The news is full of daily reports of ever-more-violentdeaths from terrorism. Government intelligence sources promise thatattacks by the invisible enemy on our sovereign soil could happen anywhere,anytime. The future of the economy seems more uncertain, with the national debtat record levels, our currency devalued, and rampant corruption in ourcorporations and financial institutions. The environment is also cause for fear—globalwarming, climatic catastrophes, deforestation, extinction of animals andplant life, and pollution of our air, water, and soil. Who wouldn't be afraid?There doesn't appear to be a choice.
Is fear the logical response? If so, shouldn't it motivate us to do somethingabout all the problems? One would think so, but the opposite is often the case.Fear has gotten so intense that we often feel almost immobilized by it, evennumbed. This numbness is a defense against our feeling overwhelmed by the numberand magnitude of personal and societal problems.
The other day I was visiting my ninety-eight-year-old friend in her nursinghome. Though she was very glad to see me, she didn't even turn off the TV when Icame into her room. She could not risk missing the latest on the terroristsituation, which is why she is glued to the cable news station all her wakinghours. She feels she cannot risk being caught off guard.
My friend had always been an example of courage, whether it was climbingmountains in Glacier Park or fighting for a political issue. She had been aninspiration to me all my life. I have seen my friend transform from a vibrant,alive, aware person to one who is trapped by her fearful thoughts.
The illusion that safety comes from being informed of each detail has many of usaddicted to cable news. It is like a scary mystery novel that we can't put downtill we see how it ends. Unfortunately, in real life the story never ends, so wenever get to put the novel down. Following the news, reading the never-endingnovel, becomes our life.
It is no accident that following the news has become our life. Advertisers, themedia, movie producers, and politicians know that fear captivates an audienceand motivates them to stay tuned, buy the product, vote for the politician whois pushing the greatest fears, and join the group that promises the mostprotection. Fear is addicting, and the policymakers of all organizations knowit. The pushers of fear are selling a product, and we have bought it wholesale.
Addicted to Fear
Worry, anxiety, dread, obsession, where do they come from? Throughout time,humankind has sought peace and safety by trying to outguess the unknown. We havetried to anticipate and prepare for the unexpected, the imagined, theapparitions of our minds. Our efforts to control the unknown and thus keepourselves safe have led to a collective as well as a personal sensation of fear.Individually and as a society, we have become addicted to fear.
Instead of preparing us for an unknown future, fear locks us in an illusionarysand castle of protection, a false sense of security from demons, dangers, andall that we dread. Each day the tide of reality and truth sweeps in and destroysour tentative hold on security, and the sand castle washes back into the sea ofcreation. Yet no matter how often the sand castle of illusory control isdestroyed, the ego rebuilds it with fearful, vigilant thoughts that keep us fromexperiencing true peace of mind and the ultimate comfort of truth.
This cycle of fear has all the trappings and symptoms of any addiction: denial,rationalization, projection, increased tolerance to the substance (in this case,fear), imbalance that seems normal, and increased harmful and fatal consequencesthat we minimize and blame on others. We have come to grips with many ofhumanity's addictions and brought them out of the closet of denial. Alcoholism,drug addiction, compulsive gambling, and sex addiction are the most common.Fear, however, is the last bastion of our collective denial of a self-destructivedisease. Furthermore, fear is at the very core of all the otheraddictions and negativity in our world.
Fear is the cause of all war, greed, material and spiritual poverty, destructionof the planet, and inhumanity to ourselves and to one another. Fear manifests inless noticeable, less dramatic ways as well. For fear is the most insidiousforce in our world today, robbing all of us—not just those whose fears havewarranted a diagnosis of mental illness or a label of addiction—of our capacityfor peace of mind, bodily and spiritual well-being, and an ability to get alongwith each other in a life-sustaining and harmonious manner.
My Addiction to Fear
I remember the first time I felt the beginnings of my addiction to fear. I wasfive years old, and kindergarten was about to begin. Up to that point in time Ihad lived a carefree, happy-go-lucky life. The thought of leaving my family, myhome, and all that was familiar to me and venturing off on a bus to a strangeand unknown place terrified me; so much so that my mom decided to hold me backfrom going to school till first grade.
Thus began my intimate relationship with fear for the next thirty-some-oddyears. In grade school I developed a school phobia and would become so anxiousin the morning that I got sick to my stomach before school each day. In highschool my fear addiction grew—test anxiety, dating, college admissions tests,peer pressure, career choices. I got to the point where my day began with a pitin my stomach, and I would immediately begin thinking up a list of worriesbefore I got out of bed. I was addicted to fear, but I didn't know it. In myhome, worry was simply a normal part of life.
In college, my level of fear grew to the point that I actually had a few panicattacks around exam time. I had no idea that it was unnatural for me to feel sofearful, and I had no idea how to stop the fear. I just coped with it by tryingto work harder and achieve higher grades in school and to understand itintellectually by studying psychology. I also occasionally blew off steam bydrinking alcohol, which gave me some momentary relief. It got to the point thatif I didn't feel fear, I would wonder what I was avoiding and immediately beginsearching for something to be afraid of. I was like a swiveling radar dish,always on the alert for something to fear, to avoid, or to be on the lookoutfor.
I see clearly now why I went into the field of psychology. I instinctively knewthat fear was unhealthy, but I had no hope or understanding of how to let it go.In fact, a part of me didn't want to let it go. I was hooked! Nevertheless, Iread books on meditation, took yoga classes, did stress-relieving breathingpractices, and began to search for peace of mind in whatever way I could attainit. I engaged in many techniques to cope with stress and even taught manyseminars on stress reduction. But I was still afraid.
Then, twenty-five years ago, I discovered the connection between my power tothink and my experience of anxiety. I realized that fear comes from within myown state of mind and does not originate in the unknown, outside circumstancesor events. Once I realized the origin of my fears, my stress went away, almostimmediately. Once I quit believing everything I thought and realized I was thethinker and creator of those thoughts, I began to identify with my deeperintelligence—my true Self. My life of headaches, insomnia, back pain, andnervous stomach were gone.
Today I have very little fear. I am no longer afraid of fear, nor do I take itas truth. Instead, I see it as nothing more than a friendly guidance system,which is a concept I explore later in this book. I am writing this book becauseof my own realization of how to live a fearless life and the desire to sharethat understanding with you. Fear keeps us in that sand castle of illusionarysafety, but it doesn't ever really protect us. In fact, fear is our undoing.This book will help you realize this truth and show you how to discover a sourceof security, knowing, and serenity that lies within you, and within each of us—thetrue Self.
From Coping to a Change of Heart
How do we cope with our fear? Some of us nostalgically try to turn the clockback to a time when we believe that values were more wholesome and life wassimpler and more secure. (We tend to forget that those simpler times had theirown set of fears, such as the bomb shelters and nuclear threat of the 1950s.)Some of us push headlong into denial and self-destructive distractions viaaddictions to drugs, alcohol, food, sex, money, or gambling. Many of us lookoutside to saviors—radio pundits, TV preachers, religious or psychologicalauthority figures—in an effort to find someone who has the answers to life'scurrent anxiety, emptiness, and uncertainty. We turn outside and look to Oprah,Dr. Phil, and a host of others, hoping they will give us the coping mechanismswe need to live in an age of anxiety.
Figure 1 illustrates some of the ways in which we have coped with this all-pervasivefear.
Coping mechanisms allow us to live with our dysfunctions without reallychanging. They are like solving the problem of drowning in a leaky canoe byconstantly having to bail out the water instead of patching up the leaks.
For example, if I am afraid and feel anxious, I may have a drink to alleviate myanxiety. My anxiety may go away momentarily, but when I sober up the anxiety isback (with a hangover), and nothing has really changed internally.
The same is true with a positive coping mechanism like jogging or journaling,but without the hangover. With positive coping mechanisms as well as negativeones, we are able to cope with a faulty perception of reality, one that is notbased on our true Self, our spiritual nature. That faulty perception is aprojection of our ego thought system—our interpretations, prejudices, andbiases.
In contrast, a "change of heart" would be a shift in our level of consciousness.It is looking at what I am afraid of from the perspective of the true Selfrather than my ego's limited thought system. It is an internal change thattransforms the pattern of my thoughts, and as a result my attitude changes aswell.
Fearproof Your Life is about how to realize that shift in consciousness, thatchange of heart. It is about empowering ourselves to realize that we are thecreators of our experience. It is about reminding ourselves that we are the oneswho created the fear, and thus we are the ones who can uncreate it.
If you have already chosen this path or are willing to pursue it, even if youaren't certain it can happen for you, then this book is for you. If you want alife that is fearless, a life of certainty of the truth, a life of love, joy,and peace, this book can help guide you there.
Somehow, deep inside, you know that within you is the secret to living a wholeand fearless life. How do you know this? Because inside you, inside everyone,there is a Universal Intelligence that has guided you to this point.
This book will show you how to access this Universal Intelligence. It will showyou that your true nature is trustworthy, and it will show you how to choose itas a source of reliable wisdom. This path goes beyond a life of copingmechanisms designed to deal with fear; instead it promises a life without fear—alife that is fearproof.
As with any addiction, we can only continue the addiction as long as we are indenial and under the delusion that there is no problem. Fearproof Your Life is abook that attempts to break us out of our delusion and begin the process ofrecovery from our individual and collective addiction to fear. Instead ofmanaging our addiction to fear by developing coping mechanisms, otheraddictions, and belief systems that we rigidly cling to, we can discoversomething that is more lasting, more truthful, and more effective. We canalleviate and conquer our fear by discovering who we are.
CHAPTER 2
Fear: Friend or Foe?
We are both drawn to and repelled by fear. Though we often complain of stress,anxiety, and overwhelming fear of the unknown, we seem drawn to fear like a mothto a flame. We love frightening movies, adrenaline-rush sports, reality TV showssuch as Fear Factor, and scary bedtime stories. And although we may not like thefrightening news on TV, fear is what motivates us to stay tuned. News producersare well aware of this fact, which is why they usually lead with a fear-invokingstory.
Despite our attraction to fear, we don't want it to strike too close to homebecause we hate the way it makes us feel. Fear makes our palms sweat, our heartsrace, our breathing strain, and our muscles tense, which over time can lead tophysical and mental illnesses. Sustained fear leads to stress, anxiety, phobias,insomnia, and panic attacks.
On a societal level, fear has become an epidemic. We live in constant fear ofthe unknown—terrorism, crime, the weather, the uncertainty of our health, theeconomy, and the future of our country and planet.
On a personal level, worry, stress, dread, and concern are considered normal,even desirable. We worry about our children's safety and their future. We worryabout the security of our finances, investments, retirement, insurance, andhaving "enough." We fear for our physical and mental well-being, whilecommercials for prescriptions to treat every imaginable ailment feed that fear.We are concerned about relationships—finding one, keeping one, getting out ofone. Despite our attraction to fear, it inhibits our actions, limits ourchoices, and keeps our world small. It keeps us from taking risks, fromfollowing our dreams, from telling the truth, from expressing ourselveshonestly, from feeling hope for the future, and from doing what we want to dofreely.
We seem to need fear, but clearly it can be a destructive force in our lives.Could it be that this all-encompassing emotion has a purpose?
The Distortion of Fear
Fear becomes contaminated and distorted when we lose faith in its overallprotective nature, when we feel separate from the Divine whole. Instead oflistening to and trusting fear's alert system to be there when we need it, theego takes over and uses the intellect to project into the world all the possiblethings that could go wrong. We quit trusting in the information that will cometo us when we need it and thus begin to trust in the false, ego-based system offear.
Ego-based fear is distorted and contaminated. With the help of the intellect, itprojects dangers that aren't there, only imagined. In its most extremedistortion, ego-based fear has resulted in obsessive-compulsive personalitieslike that of Howard Hughes, the brilliant entrepreneur who became such aprisoner of his fears of germs and enemies that for the later part of his lifehe sequestered himself in a tomblike existence in his Las Vegas penthouse.Though he was one of the richest men on Earth, Hughes lived an emotionallyimpoverished existence.
