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Pete Lopez was born on Long Island, New York. He was also raised and attended school on the island. He achieved mediocre grades, dated average girls and drank cheap beer in High School when he could convince of age adolescents to purchase it for him. His favorite zoo animal is the orangutan, has breathtaking feet and is easily distracted if he sees anything colored green or cleavage. With no direction in life and unable to stall further by taking useless elective classes, he went with the motto “Well I guess I don’t hate math” and aimed for an Economics degree in college. Afterwards, the only logical path he could fathom was to search for a job in business sector of NYC. After many monotonous years imprisoned by one, he began questioning whether he was cut out for the corporate world. As a person with a lackadaisical attitude and a preference to solve problems by finding loopholes, he was trapped in an occupation that stressed text book answers and allowed little freedom for an outside the box mentality. As an escape from financial reporting, strict compliance guidelines and dressing in business attire, he began writing nonsense in his spare time to cope with the harshness of office life. In the midst of a midlife crisis, he brainstormed many get rich quick schemes. Besides an aggressive step-up in lotto playing and researching a restaurant chain with deep pockets to sue, he decided to turn his half assed essays into a novel. Not just any novel, a bestselling novel about not wanting to work anymore, so he didn’t have to work anymore. This is that novel and he will forgo giving you a synopsis of it, but assuming the consistency of it as equal to this intro is a safe comparison. Please purchase multiple copies so he can live out his dream of being jobless and couch surfing in pajamas. He’s a decent guy and will never go overboard flaunting a luxurious lifestyle you’ll despise funding. I am sure he would even assist you the same in any of your fantasies if the roles were reversed. There isn’t even pressure to read the damn book. All he asks is to blindly write a glowing 5 star review. Here are some of his... “This book must be made of glue or chicken wing sauce because it’s impossible to remove it from your hands. It’s worthy of being buried in an all-American time capsule with the nation’s flag, a Born in The USA or Party in the USA record and a Pabst Blue Ribbon.” ~ Patriotic Pete Lopez “Even as a distinguished British Knight, I still giggled louder than a group of school girls having a pillow fight during a sleepover. It’s a guaranteed bloody bestseller and I treasure it more than Big Ben and my Excalibur sword.” ~ Sir Peter Lopez “Not only did I LOVE it, I carried a copy in my sack for everyone nice on my list and left it under their Christmas tree. Thanks Pete, for making this the easiest and most joyous holiday season since Jesus was alive.” ~ Santa Pete Lopez “I’ve carried unquestionable hatred for the guy ever since infancy, but it’s impossible to commend his book enough. Of course, I’ll never admit that to him, but next time I siphon gas from his car or sabotage one of his relationships, I will secretly be respecting him on the inside.” ~ Evil Moustache Twin Pete LopezBiografía del autor:
Pete Lopez still confirms he was born on Long Island and that by the time you’ve carried on to the “About the Author” section, his feet are even better looking. He currently rents an apartment in Queens, New York and his fridge is littered with fruit-shaped magnets he recently purchased from a street fair. Pete has a long history of writing nonsense and owns an arsenal of short stories, middle school book reports, letters to supermodels and grocery lists written while starving. At first, he never strayed from keeping his musings to short doses as his belief was to imagine himself as standup comic in a medium-rise apartment complex. He can keep the attention of an audience for about a few floors of travel before becoming stale or repetitive. After devising a grand idea and drinking enough alcohol for self-confidence to flourish, The Book I Write So I Don’t Have to Work Anymore was born. It’s his blatant attempt to escape life as a drone in the financial field. The plan was to assume the prosperity of point B and then work backwards to point A to witness how it was accomplished. In theory, act as a successful author and then decipher the wacky roller coaster journey that got him to arrive there. Pete has always considered himself more of an idea man as opposed to someone who executes. Although he is currently banking on this offering being the next great American novel, if it doesn’t pan out or he chickens out, he will probably just conjure up some other fantasy gimmick. Perhaps, writing “If You Don’t Buy This Book, I’ll Kidnap Your Family”; advertising to be a best man/maid of honor speech writer for hire; or contriving some swindle where his mother loses a bet of her first born on purpose to an aristocrat family. Please don’t let him succumb to that, buy a few copies to stop that.
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