Wise Minded Parenting: 7 Essentials for Raising Successful Tweens + Teens

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9780983012856: Wise Minded Parenting: 7 Essentials for Raising Successful Tweens + Teens

Raising a happy and successful teenager is a challenge for any parent, even the most patient and wisest among us. Parenting adolescents requires all sorts of skills that most of us don’t naturally possess. In this down-to-earth, practical guide, you’ll learn how to tap your “wise mind” to calmly navigate even the stormiest of parenting moments. You'll learn how to preserve your loving relationship while encouraging progress towards the 7 essentials of happy, healthy teens:

  • Secure attachment to parents
  • Self-control
  • Academic success
  • Social thriving
  • Emotional flourishing
  • Strong character
  • Physical health

With humor, wisdom and a deep understanding of the teenaged brain, Dr. Kastner, author of Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens, and Russell provide clear and useful tools for parents, giving them effective new ways to manage their own emotions in the heat of the moment  with their teen while maintaining — and even gaining — closeness.

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About the Author:

Laura S. Kastner, Ph.D., is a clinical associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Washington. A psychologist and mother of two, she writes and lectures widely on adolescence and family behavior. With Jennfier Wyatt, she co-wrote The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting Senior Year to College Life and The Seven Year Stretch: How families Work Together to Grow Through Adolescence.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.:

Foreward by Daniel J. Siegal, M.D.
Parenting is a challenging long-distance course that can also be one of the most rewarding adventures we have in life. The transition from parenting in the early years of childhood to adolescence is huge. This book will make that transition smoother, and the experience of being a parent more effective and enjoyable for you.
The journey of parenting becomes more complex and confusing as our children enter the preteen period, or “tween” years, when transformations in their bodies and changes in their social worlds bring on new requirements for how we approach our parenting role. As these children move on into the teen years, maturation of the body continues with important reconstruction of the brain itself, making teens prone to abrupt emotional shifts that can be confusing for any parent. 
What can we do with these new ways our sons and daughters are behaving, thinking, and feeling? Given that research clearly demonstrates that what we do as parents matters greatly in shaping the development of our children’s and teens’ minds, how can we parent them so that they are equipped with the essential abilities to not only survive this challenging period, but also thrive? In Wise-Minded Parenting, you have a magnificent tool kit to help you become the parent you will be proud to be—one who knows what can be known during this beguiling period, and understands how to interact with your adolescent so that they can be given the best opportunity to become resilient in the face of stress, kind and compassionate to themselves and others, and prepared with a lifelong inner strength to face the complex and rapidly changing world. With these skills, your tween and teen will emerge from these years not only able to meet life’s demands, but to find meaning and purpose in their lives.
Reading such offerings about a single book, you might think I am the author’s brother! But the truth is that I am a parent of two adolescents, as well as a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and an educator in the field of mental health, working within an interdisciplinary approach called interpersonal neurobiology. I am not Dr. Kastner’s brother. In her clear and well-planned book, written with Kristen A. Russell, you will find a rich source of easily understood information that draws on a wide array of sciences to support the question: What is the best thing I can do as a parent for my tween and teen?  Science and clinical practice are woven seamlessly together in the chapters ahead to provide you with one of the most articulately expressed, useful sets of research-validated parenting strategies you’ll ever find. 
In these pages, you will learn the basics of how the parent-child attachment relationship forms the internal foundation that sets the stage for how adolescents move through their important transition from child to adult.  You’ll explore vital ideas about the brain and how our ability to develop self-control—how we regulate our feelings, thoughts, attention, impulses, and behaviors—is formed by the experiences we have at home and in school. When this self-control is applied to our “work” at school, we learn to become disciplined in our efforts and to realize that how we try shapes how we academically succeed. That is a lesson that can be generalized in everything an adolescent will do later in life, from work settings to interpersonal relationships. Effort is needed for success in life. Parents are the first teachers for this important life lesson.
You’ll also discover how research has shown that relationships shape nearly everything in our lives, from our medical health to our mental development. We thrive socially when our connections with others are honored and cultivated. 
Wise-minded parents learn to provide the kind of authoritative guidance—filled with warmth, limit setting, and the age-appropriate honoring of the child’s growth of autonomy—that research has repeatedly shown, across cultures and socioeconomic status, to be the best approach to helping our offspring grow well in their emotional, social, and intellectual lives. Being authoritative, and not excessively permissive or authoritarian, is a skill that you can learn, if you are not already there. Science has demonstrated that when you bring this authoritative approach to your children, it raises the likelihood that they will flourish emotionally. 
And if all of this were not enough, the book goes even further to explore the science of how personality is formed, and what we can do as parents to help our children develop key character elements, such as kindness, honesty, love of learning, optimism, collaboration, and even social and emotional intelligence, that support a healthy life in adolescence and adulthood. We learn how to bring more positive emotions into our family life, filling our inner and interpersonal lives with gratitude, a sense of generosity, and a feeling of connection to others. Character is built on a foundation of solid physical health, and in the final chapter you’ll find an excellent overview of the crucial elements of daily life, including sleep, eating, and physical activities, that support a healthy lifestyle. 
Throughout the book, you’ll come upon sections that help you practice what is taught, learning how to reflect on what things are like in your family, and how to make your approach as a parent more effective and more rewarding. There are numerous immersions in important topics, such as how we can deal with the onslaught of digital media in all our lives and how changes in sexual behavior have been altering the nature of friendships during this important period of life. The authors leave no stone unturned, and we, the readers, are the immediate beneficiaries of this beautifully constructed book. The next in line to reap the wonderful gifts this work offers are our tweens and teens, whose lives will be greatly enhanced by the skills and knowledge we acquire as their parents. What better gift to give to our children—and to ourselves—than this comprehensive and scientifically based set of effective strategies to help our adolescents thrive?  

Daniel J. Siegel, M.D.
Executive director, Mindsight Institute
Clinical professor, UCLA School of Medicine
Author, The Developing Mind and Mindsight
Co-author, Parenting from the Inside Out and The Whole-Brain Child

 

Chapter 1
Scene: It’s dinnertime on a school night, and just as you put food on the table, your teenager hits you with a request.
Kate: I need to go to Jen’s after dinner. Can you take me?
Mom: Wait—I thought you had a huge math test tomorrow. You need to stay home and study.
Kate: Mom. I’m ready for the test. Jen’s upset. She needs me.
Mom: I’m sorry about Jen, but studying comes first. You’re staying home. And you know we have a no-socializing rule on school nights anyway.
Kate: You never liked Jen! I hate your stupid rules! You are such a mean mom!
Mom: Mean? After all I do for you? I’m just trying to keep you from failing math.
Kate: I’ll fail it anyway. You’re ruining my life.
 
Sound extreme? Maybe not, if you’ve got a full-blown teenager living in your house. Communication breakdowns like this one are all too common during the late tween and early teen years, and they can be baffling, frustrating, and even frighteningly explosive at times. Where did this exchange take a wrong turn? How did this mother and daughter, who actually both want the same things—good math scores and a healthy social life—end up so at odds? What strategy could the wise-minded parent employ to reach a more satisfying outcome?
If you live with an older tween or teen, you’ve probably already noticed: Your darling child is morphing into something new—something at times strange and wonderful, but also sullen, self-absorbed, and occasionally, downright rude. If your child is still in their pre-teen or tween years (usually ranging from nine to fourteen years of age), know that it’s probably coming, if it hasn’t already arrived. Some days will be fine; on others, you may wonder if you even like each other anymore. At those times, it might be hard to imagine how you’ll ever again feel a connection to this sulking ball of hormones and attitude. Is all of this frequent conflict—and your mounting frustration with your child’s behavior—doing permanent damage to your relationship? How can you keep communication flowing and your once loving connection strong through the turbulent teen years? And does it really matter to your child’s future success if you don’t?
Why Attachment MattersMaintaining a warm, loving bond with your child certainly does matter, and not just because those glimmers of fond connection provide welcome relief during stormy times. A secure attachment is crucial to your child’s future success in all kinds of measurable ways. Tweens and teens who share a strong mutual bond with their parents are better adjusted socially, get better grades, are less likely to use alcohol and drugs . . . the list goes on, and the research backs it up (Cassidy & Shaver, 2008). Secure
 
Chapter 1 continued:

Wise-Minded Parenting 101 - For help handling the tough and emotionally-laden times with teens, parents can utilize some of the concepts and techniques of an evidence-based treatment approach called “Dialectical Behavior Therapy” (DBT). Developed by University of Washington psychology researcher Marsha M. Linehan, DBT combines common cognitive-behavioral techniques for emotional regulation with elements drawn from Buddhist tr...

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Descripción Parent Map, United States, 2013. Paperback. Estado de conservación: New. Language: English . Brand New Book. Raising a happy and successful teenager is a challenge for any parent, even the most patient and wisest among us. Parenting adolescents requires all sorts of skills that most of us don’t naturally possess. In this down-to-earth, practical guide, you’ll learn how to tap your "wise mind" to calmly navigate even the stormiest of parenting moments. You ll learn how to preserve your loving relationship while encouraging progress towards the 7 essentials of happy, healthy teens: Secure attachment to parents Self-control Academic success Social thriving Emotional flourishing Strong character Physical health With humor, wisdom and a deep understanding of the teenaged brain, Dr. Kastner, author of Getting to Calm: Cool-Headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens, and Russell provide clear and useful tools for parents, giving them effective new ways to manage their own emotions in the heat of the moment with their teen while maintaining — and even gaining — closeness. Nº de ref. de la librería AAS9780983012856

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